so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
