There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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