You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
