The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
