She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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