He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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