Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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