i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
