none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
420 ftw
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
