Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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