Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
