I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
