Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
