I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
