i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
