porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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