it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
