We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
