WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
