she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
