i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
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tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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