You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
