Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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