watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You are the jesus of drinking
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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