I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have fence marks all over my body
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
