My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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