I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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