I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize