Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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