I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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