2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
