I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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