Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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