I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
