if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
