Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
