did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
