How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
