we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
