He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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