Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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