Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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