my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
