I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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