another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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