I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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