i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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