your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think im going to throw up on grandma
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
