Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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