I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
