I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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