just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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