I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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