A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
