Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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