I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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