There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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