I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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