These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
