thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
