Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
