Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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