My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize