i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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