dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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