it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
